A little over a year ago I saw the term rainbow baby for the first time. I read about how a child that is born after miscarriages is called a rainbow baby. The story touched me deeply because of my friend that I have mentioned to you all in a previous blog. I began to pray without her knowing to have a rainbow baby of her own.
Last Fall she told me she was pregnant again and I was so happy for her. I told my then 7-year-old daughter and she began to pray for the baby. My little girl said, “She had one baby. She is my best friend but the other babies went to heaven to be with Jesus. Please God let her keep this baby in her belly until it is time for her to be born so we can hold it and play with it when it is bigger.
A little while later doctors told her she was miscarrying again. She resigned herself to the fact that her little girl would be an only child. However, weeks later she discovered that the doctors were wrong. The baby was very much alive
For the rest of her pregnancy she was told a variety of health issues the child had. I told her to stand strong and on faith. She said she did not care what was wrong with the baby she would love it anyways. After months of that doom and gloom, she went to an appointment where the doctor told her he believed the baby girl was fine.
A little over a month ago I told her I don’t know why God allows the things to happen he does. I will never know the reason He chose to take the other babies home to be with him. I do know that the Lord has big plans for this little girl though.
This week I held that little rainbow baby for the first time. She is a wee one but she is here. Little baby noises never sounded as beautiful and baby smells were never as sweet as when you hold a child you were told might never be.
If you are reading this and longing for a rainbow baby of your own, my prayers are with you. While we don’t know why God allows what he does I am so glad that he holds ever tear we have ever cried in His nail pierced hands. His heart breaks when ours do. We are never alone.
Years ago when I wrote Promised Land on the anniversary of my mother’s death, the Lord directed me to redo the middle section on the loss of a child. He told me that I needed to make it fit more people. I had a conversation with Him. I told Him that He knows I don’t like to share my work. I worry too much about what others might think or say. He reminded me that our talents are a gift from Him that He has the right and power to take away. So I did what He said and shared those words. I was amazed that so many were touched so deeply.
That was 16 years ago. That poem has been altered to suit so many friends situations. I have written others on the loss of a loved one but not until now has God laid it on my heart to write one especially on the topic of losing a child. I have to tell you this was the hardest one I have ever written. I don’t mean that I had problems finding words to rhyme or line up. This was emotionally draining. I have had it in my head for months but feel the need to share it for Mothers’ Day. I know tomorrow will be hard for some of you. It is my prayer that the temporary discomfort I felt will bring peace to some of you with the words He has given me. I no longer care of folks like my work but that they are touched by God through me. I think my mom would be proud.
- I was there for your first heartbeat
- could not wait for the day we’d meet
- I never expected to be here for your last
- Time just seemed to go to fast
- It was not part of my plans
- when I counted the fingers on your tiny hands
- There is joy mixed with my sorrow
- of knowing for you there is no tomorrow
- For to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord
- the one, Who paid the price we could never afford
- Yes His word gives the blessed assurance that you are
- standing beside the maker of the sun, moon and stars
- Today your with the author of our salvation, the giver of amazing grace
- You have sung “Jesus Loves Me” right to His face
- You’ve been reunited with every loved one
- whose earthly race is done
- I wonder as you’re walking on those streets of gold
- Have you run into any of the saints of old
- Did you have a chance to chat with the one you are named for?
- or any of the other folks whose accounts you so adore
- I know that I have to let you go
- but some days the tears will just flow
- However, there is such peace in knowing that I will see you again
- Yes you and I will be back together after I have knelt before our God in heaven